My Experience with SSRIs

Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional. This is all just my opinion from my experience taking different SSRIs. Please get medical advice before making any decisions based on any kind of medication. 

Hi Everyone!

    Before I begin on this topic I just want to reiterate that this is my experience and different medications affect people differently based on many different factors. Please do not use my experience to gauge what you should do in your personal life. This post is just to raise awareness against the stigma that has been created around taking antidepressants. 

    I started taking antidepressants in June of this year. This topic is new to me and trust me, I do not know a lot about the topic besides what I have experienced myself. Before taking medication, I struggled with crippling anxiety. I've struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It has always been a part of me and I used to HATE it so much. 

    For awhile, I did not even really realize I had anxiety. Over time, a lot of things started to add up. I always had a tight chest, trouble breathing, and a lot of struggles sleeping and relaxing in general. I had frequent panic attacks (daily) and could not stop shaking. When I was younger my mom brought me to the doctor because I would stare at the wall for hours and non stop shake (still do this to this day lol). All of that was dismissed but over time it got worse.... My junior year of high school when my parents were getting divorced was the worst. I could not sleep, eat or function. By the time I got to college it got even worse. I could not sleep the night before exams, I could not breathe, I could not function. I convinced myself on multiple occasions that I was having a major health problem, and felt physical symptoms of them. There were days where I could not even get out of bed to face the world. This was when I realized I needed to get help. 

    I've been going to therapy for multiple years now. It is amazing, but no matter what I did my anxiety would not get better. I could not progress my life out of fear. I felt in ways that resorting to medication was a failure. I was taking the "easy way out". I could not fix myself "properly", so I needed to resort to something that could do it for me. I genuinely put off medication for 20 years of my life because I didn't want to be a failure.

    Flash forward to June of this year. I finally talked to my mom and told her that I needed help beyond therapy. My mom has been on medication for years now, and was in full support of me talking to my doctor. I love my momma, she is the most supportive person ever and without her support, I don't know if I would have actually went through with it. I AM SO HAPPY THAT I DID!

    I talked to my doctor and was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder (GAD). She first, put me on Escitalopram (Lexapro) 10 mg. I took this medication for a month and genuinely felt AMAZING. I did not have any anxiety or panic attacks. Many people say that Lexapro makes them feel like a zombie but I genuinely never felt so alive when I was on it. From my experience, every day just felt the same and I loved that consistency. For me, without medication I would either have high highs or low lows. Feeling the same every day was a blessing. But... then I got off it. You might be wondering...why? Part of it is because I was having problems in bed (IYKYK) but that wasn't all of it. I also was having trouble feeling actual emotions and I just did not like that side of the medicine. But..... I am just on a new brand now!

I am now taking Sertraline (Zoloft) 50 mg. This medication I have only been taking for a couple weeks but so far it has been really good. I still feel sadness, and happiness but I also have way less anxiety which is amazing. I will always be an advocate for people who believe they should be on medication. Sooooo many people told me to not do it because it will change me and yada yada. Medication has not changed who I am whatsoever. I don't understand why people are so judgmental on the topic. Sometimes you just need an extra push and THAT. IS. OKAY. You are not a failure, and you are not giving up in anyway. 

    Moral of the story, it is okay to not be okay. Help is important and I am so glad I took this leap because I have genuinely never felt better. Take the leap or don't, but make sure it is your choice and not due to others opinions or projections. 

Thanks for reading divas!!